


If I told you would it have been enough?

by Siriuslyblack2



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gay Regulus Black, Good Regulus Black, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), POV Regulus Black, Regulus Black Feels, Young Regulus Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriuslyblack2/pseuds/Siriuslyblack2
Summary: Regulus Black falls in love with a poor, muggle born, boy. Charlie. Together, they try to navigate their relationship and end up hurting each other in the process.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

Regulus was fucked. Royally fucked.

He pathetically tore his gaze from the picture in hand, trying to regain control over his breathing. His heart was beating a million times per minute and it was all he could do to not tear the picture into bits. _What had he gotten himself into?_

He jumped when his bedroom door opened and he all but scrambled to hide the picture. He ended up cramming it under his pillow, pathetically hoping the corners wouldn't fold.

Regulus turned to glare at his brother fiercely, "Knock next time, will you?"

Sirius grinned, standing at his door way. "We'll see. Anyway, you have to go down and see what her highness wants because I'm not in the mood to die today."

Regulus was too shaken up to even think to argue. All he wanted was his brother to get out so he could mope around some more. Maybe convince himself to fall _out_ of love. He blinked. He hadn't even realized he was _in_ love. Fuck. He jerked his head to Sirius' and nodded, "Yeah, fine. Whatever. Get out."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, and Regulus' heart sunk as he walked in, closing the door behind him. _Now's not the time, Sirius._

"Alright, Reg? You look a bit shaken up."

Regulus almost rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm fine. Now _leave_."

Sirius rolled his eyes, flopping down on Regulus' bed, on his side, an elbow propping him up. More specifically, an elbow propping him up over Regulus' pillow, right over the picture. Regulus' heart twisted in discomfort and he tried not to shove Sirius' hand away.

"Well, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. I have to hide from mum anyway. I think she's looking for me in my room right now, so it's better if you stall-"

 _"Fuck,_ Sirius. _Help me."_

Sirius blinked. His eyes turned serious in an instant and he sat up. It was pathetic that the only think Regulus' mind registered was that at least Sirius' elbow wasn't on the picture now.

"Regulus? What's wrong? Tell me. I'll help you." His eyes and words were so earnest and deep down Regulus knew his brother would be okay with it. But that didn't stop him from being totally and unreasonably scared. He was so scared.

"You can't help." Regulus mumbled, looking down, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt. He looked up when there was an hand on his arm. Sirius' eyes were determined. "I can and I will. Tell me."

Regulus' eyes were welling up now and he let out a growl of frustration. God, maybe he could talk himself out of this. Talk himself out of the _wanting_. Was that possible?

"I-" God, how do you tell your brother you like someone? You love someone? "I- Sirius, don't fucking look at me, okay? Look away. I won't tell you until you look away."

From the look on Sirius' face, Regulus gathered he was being weird, but Sirius didn't argue. He looked away. Regulus immediately felt his heart unclench. It was easier to say it like this. If Sirius decided he hated him, Regulus can't see it in his eyes.

"I- please, _please_ , don't hate me."

Regulus could see Sirius' confusion even while just seeing the side of his face. Sirius shook his head, hand searching a bit to find Regulus' knee. He gave it a squeeze. "Nothing can ever make me hate you, Reg. I promise. You're my brother and I love you."

Regulus let out a relieved breath but he still couldn't help the doubt that maybe his brother would hate him after this.

"I- I'm in- look, I love someone, okay?" He chickened out. That was only half the truth.

Sirius' susprise was evident. Regulus could see he was trying to figure out the problem here. "Um, okay. Isn't that good? What's the problem? She doesn't like you or something? 

_That_. That was the problem. She.

Regulus was quiet. He drew in a breath and steadied himself. God, he hoped Sirius wouldn't leave him. He was all Regulus had.

"No. He likes me back."

Silence.

Regulus shut his eyes, not wanting to see what he'd done. He buried his face in his hands, trying to get his tears under control. He gasped in surprise when he felt arms snake around him and pull him into a strong chest. He gripped Sirius' shirt, crying into it.

"Reg, c'mon. You seriously thought I'd hate you for that? Jesus- I don't- I love you. It doesn't matter to me who you love. It shouldn't matter to anyone. It's no one's business but yours."

Regulus shook his head, crying harder. "You think- you think mum will understand?"

He felt Sirius stiffen up. That was all the answer he needed. He tightened his hold on Sirius, crying harder.

"I- listen, who is this boy? What's his name?" Sirius asked, quietly, pulling away gently.

Regulus sniffled, wiping his face with his sleeves. He looked up at Sirius and Sirius looked back, steadily. He felt a surge of courage and reached under his pillow, pulling out the picture.

Sirius' eyebrows went up. Regulus almost sighed. He was a muggle born, he was in gryffindor, he was poor. Everything his mum despised. Oh and he was a boy. There was that too.

"I think I've seen him around a few times. He seemed nice." Sirius said, looking intently at the picture.

"He _is_ nice. God, Sirius he's _so_ nice. I- I met up with him a few days ago," He flushed, he hadn't exactly meant to let that slip. But now he figured he might as well continue. "And- and I told him how our parents are like. And he was so- so good about it. He- he makes me feel better about myself. Makes me feel like I'm not a loser." Regulus said, still bright red in the face.

Sirius almost smiled but held back knowing it would embarrass Regulus. Makes him feel better about himself, huh? Well, at least he wasn't a werewolf. That's one problem Sirius has that Regulus didn't. He almost chuckled. He should probably tell Regulus about Remus and him. Not today though.

Sirius handed the picture back to Regulus, squeezing his shoulder. "I know its hard, Reg. But you have to know that you can't let mum or dad or any of our family stand in the way of who you love. Look at Andromeda? She's practically disowned but still as happy as can be." Look at me, Sirius wanted to say. I'm running around with a werewolf boyfriend and I am as happy as can be.

Regulus shook his head, staring at the picture. God, he really was in love, wasn't he? Sirius thought

"I can't- I can't have that, Sirius. I'm not- I'm not fucking brave like her or you. I don't know what I'd do if I get on mum's bad side."

"You have me. No matter what you have me. I'll get an apartment in a few years and you can move in with me. Fuck our family. Fuck them. We can't be happy as long as they're in the picture." But Sirius heart was sinking, as Regulus shook his head, tears falling down his cheeks. " I can't, Sirius. I can't."

"No, no, Reg. Listen to me. Does he make you happy? This bloke- does he make you happy?" Sirius asked, urgently.

Regulus nodded, wiping his cheeks. "Yes, God, yes." He whispered.

"And you're willing to give it up for mum? For this piece of shit family? Trust me, I don't even know this guy, but I know you're better off with him than here, with our 'family'."

When Regulus still looked unconvinced and so so scared, Sirius sighed, taking Regulus into his arms.

"Look, I want you to be happy. But I can't make you do anything you don't want to. Just think about it okay? I'll be with you the whole way. They can never touch you while I'm around."

Regulus sunk into his brother, closing his eyes shut. His decision was made.

He would go and break up with him tomorrow. He can't put the guy in harm's way. And he knows if his mother found out he'd be in danger. He can't have that.

He didn't tell Sirius though. Because he knew Sirius would try to talk him out of it. He pulled away slowly, shooting Sirius a quick smile. "Thank you. I love you. I'll- I'll think about it."


	2. Chapter 2

_"Will you hurry the fuck up?"_

Remus grinned, panting a bit as he struggled to climb through the window, "It's not _my_ fault your father feels the need to place like a thousand securing charms."

Sirius helped Remus into his room, heart relentlessly beating in his chest. This was the first time he was seeing Remus in about two months and he was dying to feel his warmth. Perhaps that's why he was stupid enough to suggest that Remus sneak into his house in the dead of the night. Perhaps that's why Remus was stupid enough to agree.

Either way now, he was _here_ , with him. 

The second Remus was in his room, looking a little small and out of place, but pleased, Sirius launched himself at him, hugging him. Remus let out a choked laugh, hugging him back just as tight.

"Missed you."

Remus' arms tightened around him, "Missed you more."

Sirius let out a slightly wet laugh, pulling back to look at Remus more closely, "Bloody hell, you've grown so much taller."

Remus grinned, leaning down and pressing his lips to Sirius' cheek. He pulled away then, eyes scanning Sirius' room. He snorted at the muggle girls plastered to his wall.

"I'm starting to think you _want_ your family to kill you." He commented, pulling away completely to look around the room. Sirius felt a bit hot around the ears; he'd been to Remus' house and his room was much smaller.

When he was done inspecting, Remus turned to Sirius. "It's huge."

"Yeah, well, it's not like-" Sirius started, a bit embarrassed and slightly defensive.

Remus cut him off, smiling coyly. "Love it."

Sirius grinned back, then promptly sat on his bed, pulling Remus with him. "Okay, I haven't seen you in 2 months! Tell me everything."

And Remus did. Sirius sat back on his bed, relishing in the way Remus tucked his legs underneath him and made himself right at home, while talking excitedly about whatever book he was reading or wherever he went to this summer. His eyes were shining and his wand was poking out from the front pocket of his jean shorts. He wasn't even allowed to use it, still Remus kept it on him at all times. He looked ridiculously cute, a simple red t-shirt on, his curls falling lightly into his eyes and curling around his forehead. And when he noticed that Sirius wasn't paying attention to the story at all, he dropped it completely, smiling coyly and leaning forward to take Sirius' face in his hands. Sirius was too stunned to do anything else other than to comply.

"Missed you so bloody much." Remus said, leaning closer. Sirius smiled, leaning up, chasing Remus' mouth. "Missed you, too." Sirius said before closing the distance better them, feeling hot and cold all over at the same time.

They kissed and kissed and kissed, Sirius wondering how he went 2 months without all of this. He clutched Remus close, his fingers digging into Remus' rib cage. Remus winced slightly, huffing out a laugh, "Have a bruise there." Sirius immediately retracted his hand, too caught up to do anything other than apologise quietly and tenderly cradle Remus' head before kissing him again. Maybe it was the knowledge of how dangerous this was, or maybe they were revelling in their nerve, to do something like this right under Walburga's nose. Sirius felt flushed with excitement and he kissed Remus with all he had. Remus seemed to sense his desperation and kissed back slowly, carding a hand through his hair calmingly.

Sirius leaned over Remus, urging him to fall back on the bed which he did, with a small, cute laugh. Sirius settled over him, careful not to brush against Remus' bruised ribs, wondering where else the werewolf had hurt him. But for now all he could think about was the way Remus' warm hands creeped up his shirt, his muscles tensing-

"Hey, Sirius-"

Remus pulled away with a gasp, Sirius' heart stopping, blood going cold. He whipped around to find Regulus standing at his door way, looking as shocked as he felt. His pounding heart slowed down just a bit, knowing at least it wasn't his parents.

He looked back at Remus to see his eyes wide and terrified and he reached a hand out instinctively, squeezing Remus' hand.

He looked back at Regulus, "Jesus-"

"What the _hell_ were you thinking? Leaving the door unlocked like that? What if mum or dad burst into the room? Sirius, they would've **_killed_** you." Regulus hissed quietly and Remus shuddered a bit, when he realized just how serious Regulus was.

"Okay, I know, Fuck- I wasn't thinking. Come in and shut the door." Sirius said, urgently. Remus sat up quick, shooting Sirius a furtive look. _Come in?_

Regulus lingered for a moment but when he heard a disturbance down the hall he immediately walked in, shutting the door quietly.

He turned back around. His eyes widened when he recognised Remus. Remus looked back at him, flushed and breathing hard, slightly nervous. Regulus stared, disbelievingly, "So- um, you and him..?"

Sirius blew out a sigh, nodding. Regulus didn't miss the way his hand curled around Remus', squeezing reassuringly. "Yeah. Yes, we've been going out for a while now. Should've told you. Sorry."

Remus looked very out of place, shifting uncomfortably. He cleared his throat, releasing Sirius' hand and resting his back against his head board.

"Sirius- you could've easily told me last week when I told you! What the hell? Why would you not say anything?" Regulus felt a sting in his chest, knowing he'd told his brother everything, only to find out like _this._

Remus glanced curiously at Sirius but Sirius shook his head. He looked back at Regulus and winced when he saw just how angry he was. "Okay, yes I know. But you were so upset- I didn't think it was the right time."

Regulus felt blind with anger- or betrayal, he didn't know which. He'd been so scared of what Sirius thought of him, he'd been so scared to tell him that he liked boys. Clearly Sirius didn't care as much about Regulus' opinion. He was just another family member Sirius despised.

What hurt the most was that Sirius was really all Regulus had. It stung, knowing he wasn't the same for Sirius. Knowing there were other people that Sirius would pick over Regulus.

Sirius inched forward, reaching for Regulus, "Reg, I-"

"Fuck you." Regulus spat, with as much venom as he could voice. He physically _saw_ Sirius flinch, and felt a sick satisfaction course through him. He saw Remus tentatively reach a hand to rub Sirius' back and he hated that even more. He glared at Remus but he just looked back at Regulus, eyes calming and steady. Regulus blinked. A funny feeling tugged at his heart and he looked away.

He shot another glare at Sirius and made to leave, ignoring Sirius calling for him. He yanked open the door and flinched hard when he stood face to face with Walburga.

She raised a careful eyebrow, her eyes cold and intimidating as ever. Regulus stepped back a bit, waving a hand behind his back, motioning Remus to get the fuck out. He could only hope they got the hint.

Walburga carefully looked past him, eyes darting towards Sirius' room.

"I- I heard something, so I just came to check on him." Regulus said, voice shaking.

Walburga didn't bother sparing him a glance. She looked past him, and Regulus could feel her readying herself for a fight. Regulus stood up straighter, blocking the entrance.

"I heard something as well. Step aside."

Regulus considered just shaking his head and standing his ground. That's what Sirius would've done. But before he had time to think he was being roughly pushed aside, Walburga strolling in. Regulus turned to look, heart pounding.

Sirius was on his bed, hair a mess and still flushed. He managed to look back cooly, but Regulus could see his eyes darting towards the open window.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."

Walburga's eyes roamed around his room. They zeroed in on the posters and she must've decided her son wasn't worth her time because she glared at him before exiting, pushing past Regulus. Sirius looked at Regulus, eyes desperate.

"Reg, I-"

"Don't."

Regulus left. He couldn't help the jealousy he felt. Sirius was his. Not Remus'.

God, he felt pathetic.

He flopped on to his bed, closing his eyes. He jumped when there was a tap on his window. He carefully rose, peeking out. Remus was standing below, eyes determined.

"Christ- _leave_. They'll kill you." Regulus hissed, opening the window.

Remus looked back calmly, "I know. I'll leave in a minute. I just wanted to say- he really does love you, you know."

Regulus blinked. He suddenly felt tears burning in the back of his eyelids and he pulled back, shutting the window. Remus left.


	3. Chapter 3

Regulus kept his head low over his food, jet black hair falling into his eyes to block out everyone and everything. He was hunched over in his chair, and he had to stop himself from looking over at the gryffindor table. He could faintly hear Sirius roaring over with James and almost rolled his eyes in annoyance. It felt like they were the only ones in gryffindor sometimes.

As everyone started finishing up their dinner, Regulus looked up, his eyes immediately meeting a pair of green ones. Charlie gave him a inconspicuous nod, and Regulus was up and out of his seat before he could take his next breath.

He walked quickly, aware of Sirius and James leaving as well. He tried his best to ignore them as he left the hall, praying Charlie wasn't far behind.

"Alright, Reggie?" Sirius' voice said, hand shooting out to ruffle Regulus' hair as he passed by.

Regulus practically growled in annoyance, turning around to whack his brother. Only, Charlie was standing right behind them, his eyes carefully flicking between them. Regulus immediately retracted, meeting Charlie's eyes. Sirius frowned in confusion, and he looked back. His eyes landed on Charlie who carefully met his eyes. Sirius' eyes lit up with recognition and a corner of his mouth quirked up. He looked back at Regulus.

"Have fun, little brother." Regulus rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to grab Charlie's hand and pull him to the empty classroom. Instead he turned and walked away to the empty classroom they've been using for almost a year now. He sat on one of the desks, his heart pounding in anticipation. He'd known Charlie over two years now and still, the nervous, giddy feeling he got when he talked to him never left. 

He looked as the door quietly pushed open, a shy Charlie slipping inside. He closed it carefully behind him and smiled a half smile at Regulus. He settled on a desk across from Regulus.

"Your brother seems nice."

Regulus scoffed, looking away. He'd done everything in his power to stand in the way of Charlie meeting any of the Blacks. He supposed Sirius wasn't _too_ bad, but still came from the same family nevertheless. But Sirius wasn't someone Regulus had any control over. He was in gryffindor too, he must've crossed paths with Charlie at some point or the other. Besides, if Sirius wanted to meet him, nothing and no one could stop him. Regulus included.

"He's alright." Regulus said, through a sigh.

Charlie tilted his head, eyes careful. He licked his lips before speaking, "He knows about us then?"

Regulus bit his lip, looking at Charlie. "Yeah. He- he does."

"He isn't going to kill me in the middle of the night, is he?"

Regulus coughed out a laugh, shaking his head. "No, no, he's okay with it. He's- yeah, he's alright." _He has a boyfriend too,_ Regulus almost added with an eye roll. But he figured that wasn't his secret to tell. Plus if it ever got out, Sirius would be dead meat. And as much as Regulus hated it, he _needed_ Sirius.

"Then- I mean, if your brother is okay with it, wouldn't- your parents...?"

Regulus immediately cut him off, his anger flaring. He knew what Charlie was getting at.

 _"No_. I'm telling you, they won't understand. Sirius is- well, he's different. He doesn't like any of them. In fact, he'd be thrilled to find my mother dead." Charlie' eyebrows shot up, no doubt wondering how anyone could hate their own mother that much. _You haven't met my mother,_ Regulus thought. _If you had, you wouldn't be here with me right now._

Charlie nodded, eyes gaurded and shut off. Regulus' family was a familiar territory for them. Not one either of them _liked_ , but still familiar territory nonetheless. They'd met because of his family, even. Well, in a way. Regulus had been upset about the letter his mother had sent him and he'd swallowed his pride to go find Sirius. Instead, what he got, was a boy with black hair, incredibly warm green eyes. He offered to listen, and in Regulus' emotionally unstable state, he'd rambled on. Charlie had listened patiently, the whole night. And come morning light, he hadn't taken off running for the hills.

That was it, then. The second time Regulus got a letter, he'd tentatively hung around the gryffindor common room, hoping he'd see Charlie. When Charlie showed up, his eyes immediately fell on the letter and he smiled. He _smiled_. He didn't think Regulus was a burden, he never would. So, Regulus stuck around.

When the letters stopped coming, Regulus stopped going. He didn't _want_ to stop, but he no longer had a reason to go to Charlie. And he couldn't, _couldn't_ , admit to himself that Charlie was maybe something more than just a rock for Regulus. He couldn't admit to himself that the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when Charlie smiled, was not the feeling one should get looking at his friend.

So one night, when he was feeling desperately lonely, his mind wandered back to the curly haired boy with green eyes. He gave in, _just this one time_ , he'd told himself, and set off to find Charlie. What he didn't expect to find was a few older Slytherins ganging up on Charlie, all wands out.

Regulus had watched, heart stuck in his throat, as Charlie stared up at all of them defiantly. Regulus vaguely registered Charlie' wand in one of the Slytherins hand. Charlie wasn't backing down, and neither were they. Regulus had just watched, eyes wide with horror as the Slytherins hexed him and threw curses at him.

He hadn't _done_ anything. He knew, Sirius would, without a doubt, have helped. Even if Sirius didn't know the person, he would've helped. And there Regulus was, hiding behind a wall, as Charlie wailed with pain. When Charlie let out a particular loud cry, Regulus' head swivelled around and his eyes met Charlie's. He hadn't screamed for help, he hadn't begged Regulus to save him. He looked at Regulus, for a moment, blood trickling down his face, before turning back to the Slytherins. He hadn't expected anything from Regulus. Regulus was still working out if this was a good thing or bad.

He went up back to the common room after the Slytherins finally let Charlie go. He didn't sleep that night, his stomach twisting and turning with dread. His body was burning with self loathing until he could hardly stand to be inside it anymore.

He went to Charlie the next day. To apologise. Charlie accepted the apology in a blink of an eye. He even looked almost eager, to see Regulus.

Since then, Regulus found a way to meet up with Charlie every now and then. _To make up for what he did_ , he told himself.

But when finally, _finally_ , Charlie leaned in to plant a kiss on his lips, and Regulus didn't pull away, he had to admit it to himself. He liked Charlie. He _really really_ liked Charlie.

So there they were now. Almost a year after that, still tip toeing around each other. It was Regulus' fault, he knew. He didn't know how to express what he was feeling. It was so foreign and to have a _boy_ be the cause of all of this feeling didn't help his case. But Charlie slowed down for him. Charlie, was by no means, one to stand down. But he did, for Regulus. When Regulus told him that he was scared his family would find out, Charlie neatly stepped back, not wanting to add to any of Regulus' pain. But Regulus came crawling back. He always would.

Now, neither of them talked about it much. They avoided the problem, acting as if it wouldn't cause a problem in their relationship. They swept it under the rug and progressed with each other, learning everything and anything about each other and talking about everything under the sun. It was blissful ignorance, both of them knew.

Any time Charlie attempted to bring it up, Regulus would shut him up with a kiss that would leave Charlie quite incapable of thinking about anything else.

So when Charlie looked about ready to talk more, Regulus slid off the desk and walked over to him. He placed his hands on Charlie's chest and Charlie looked back, lips quirking up.

"Alright?" Regulus asked. Charlie nodded.

Regulus kissed him, all thoughts of his family left else where. It was inevitable, still he put it off as long as possible. He was beginning to see why Sirius was so adamant on keeping Remus safe. On keeping Remus away from their family. Regulus let himself wonder, for one moment, how it would be like to run away with Charlie. But as Charlie pushed closer, Regulus' fear took over. He'd have to end this. One way or another. And the way Charlie looked at him, as he pulled back, told him Charlie knew that too.


	4. Chapter 4

Charlie turned in his bed feverishly, his head pounding. He felt hot, and he kicked of his quilts, sighing with relief when the cool air met his burning skin.

He didn't really know why it effected him so much. Regulus had recieved a letter from his mum and as per tradition, he'd come straight to Charlie. Charlie had been everything Regulus needed him to be, a strong, calming presence, listening to his problems without judgement, and then talking to him, comforting him without crossing any lines. This worked fairly well for the both of them. Charlie's words had a postive effect on Regulus and he'd grin so bright that Charlie would be momentarily blinded. For his efforts, Charlie would be rewarded with a mindblowing kiss from Regulus. Charlie let out a breath, staring at the ceiling. He could still feel his skin tingling from where Regulus ran his hands over them. He didn't exactly know why he felt this way. Regulus was unlike any other guys Charlie had been with. Granted they were all muggles and almost all of them were a one time thing.

But Regulus made him feel things. In the course of their relationship, Charlie discovered his strong desire to bring the world to Regulus. He wanted Regulus to be happy, and when he achieved that, temporarily, he felt stupid with happiness. He was well on the course of falling madly and stupidly in love with Regulus. He cursed.

It wasn't that Regulus was a burden. It wasn't that Regulus came with his problems. They were just so different- Charlie knew Regulus was knee deep in money while Charlie was the opposite. That was the least of their problems really, Charlie considered it to be a miracle that none of the Blacks had ever taken it upon themselves to off Charlie. This would never work out. Charlie knew, but still he was willing to stupidly follow Regulus anywhere.

He sighed, sitting up. It didn't look like he was going to sleep anytime soon, might as well get some air. He slipped out of the dorms and padded downstairs, towards the common room.

He froze in shock when he saw a boy with long, silky black hair sitting with his head in his hands on the sofa. Charlie opened his mouth-

"Reg?"

Sirius turned and his eyes landed on Charlie. Charlie flushed, "Oh. Sorry."

Sirius gave him a tired smile, shaking his head. "All good."

Charlie lingered for a bit, wondering if he should go back upstairs or if he was allowed to sit. The gryffindor in him showed its end and he decided Sirius didn't own the common room, so he was perfectly allowed to sit there as well.

He rubbed his hands on his face and sat on one of the armchairs. Sirius sulked on the sofa next to him and Charlie wondered if he would leave. He glanced sideways at him, and was only mildly shocked to see the parchment in his hands. 

"You got a letter too?"

Sirius looked up, mildly shocked. He looked down at the parchment in his hands and let out a breath. "I take it I'm not the only one, then. How's Reg?"

Charlie shifted in his seat. Sirius had the same intimidating gaze Regulus did. Only, he was used to Regulus now. He shifted under Sirius' intense stare.

"Um, yeah he's fine. I think- he was- the letters stopped for a while, so I think he was just shocked to get it." Charlie said, now wondering just how much Sirius knew and how much he was allowed to let slip. He knew how keen Regulus was on keeping him, Charlie, away from his family. But he'd also said that Sirius was one of the only good ones. Charlie noticed the way Regulus talked about Sirius, a sort of worshipped figure. Charlie was sure Regulus didn't know he was doing it, but it couldn't be clearer that Regulus looked up to Sirius a lot.

"Yeah- she was on a roll today." Sirius let out a humourless chuckle, rubbing a hand over his face.

"I- um, are you okay?" Charlie asked, now noticing the signs. Regulus did the same thing when he was upset. Really, the similarities between them was uncanny.

"Yeah. Fine." Sirius said, his voice short and clipped. He was shutting down, Charlie realized. Regulus couldn't do that- his emotions always got the better of him. Charlie found that more human; Sirius was a little unsettling, when his grey eyes looked dead and shut down.

Charlie realized maybe Sirius had it more tough. He was, if everything Regulus said was anything to go by, after all the hated one in the family. Charlie gathered Regulus usually went along with his parents ideas and beliefs. Charlie wondered faintly if Sirius had anyone to rely on. He hoped he did.

"Hey- um, listen. It's probably none of my business, but Regulus is a good person. He tends to do- um, he tends to make rash decisions when he gets panicked," Sirius chuckled a bit, "I just- he's a good person, really. And he likes you. Just be careful with him, alright? Things aren't- the best at home. I only want the best for him and right now, the best is you. If he showed you the letters, that means he trusts you. Just be careful with that. I wouldn't be able to stand to see him let down." Sirius said, looking intently at the fire in the fire place.

Charlie was more than a little shocked. He hadn't realized they were close. Maybe they weren't. But it couldn't be cleared that the Black brothers cared about each other. There seemed to be some miscommunication between them though. Charlie didn't know what to make of it.

"Yeah. Yeah, no, I wouldn't be able to stand to see him let down either. He- yeah, I really like him too," He cursed silently. He probably shouldn't say that to his boyfriend's brother. "Um- are your parents...? I mean it probably isn't my place to say- but I, um, the letters-"

"I know what you're getting at. It's a conversation I've had a million times over with my boyfriend," Sirius cut him off, chuckling bitterly. Charlie was surprised. He hadn't known. "They wouldn't understand. I'm sorry you had to get caught up in the middle of all this. I don't bother with them. Reg- well, He's- he's a little more willing to give them a chance, I guess. I'm done. I can't stand to be in that place anymore." Sirius wasn't really talking to Charlie anymore. He was fiercely glaring at the fire, his mind obviously else where.

Sirius stood abruptly, throwing the letter into the flames and watching it burn. Charlie was taken aback, Regulus never seemed to be able to do that. He always held on to the letters, Charlie knew.

Sirius turned to leave, before turning back to Charlie. He gave him a small smile, then reached out to clap him on the back.

Charlie tried to smile at him reassuringly and Sirius nodded before leaving. Charlie stared at the flames. He was suddenly dead tired. He got up as well, dragging his feet to his dorm.

He sunk into bed, closing his eyes. He could practically hear Regulus' voice in his ear. He couldn't tell if that conversation with Sirius was help or not. God, he liked Regulus so much. He wasn't willing to let it go because of his good for nothing family. But he would if that's what it took to make Regulus happy. He'd do anything to see Regulus happy.


	5. Chapter 5

Regulus' heart was hammering against his chest. One would assume that was because he was sneaking out of the common room in the dead of the night where he could easily get caught.

But it was actually because he was going to meet up with a certain green eyed boy that made his heart flip with just one look. He didn't think he'd ever get used to Charlie. Maybe that was for the better. They had to end this. Just- just not now. Now, Regulus needed him too much.

Regulus' heart stopped for a second when he heard someone move. He whipped around. He found himself in a long hallway with no doors; he'd have no place to hide.

His heart beat started up again the moment he saw Charlie peeking out from behind a wall, smiling crookedly. Regulus let out a breathless laugh, his heart overflowing with fondness, and gestured Charlie to follow. Charlie grinned at him, tip toeing behind him.

Regulus momentarily considered going out to the grounds, but decided against that quickly. It wasn't worth it if they got caught. He opened the door to an empty classroom, and hesitated for a bit, before quietly taking Charlie's hand in his and pulling him inside. Charlie practically glowed. 

Regulus had never been in here before. It was a huge classroom, three walls covered in various Potions of different sizes and some Regulus could never begin to guess what they were. The ceiling was very high, making Regulus feel like they were outside, almost. What was shocking though, was the wall in front of them, completely transparent and letting in the moonlight from outside. The view was all green, wet grass from the rain. Regulus could see the whomping willow from in here. 

"Blimey. Pretty, isn't it?" Charlie gasped, squeezing Regulus' hand. They'd never held hands before, funnily enough. It made it all the more real, and it made Regulus' heart ache in a completely different way, reminding him that Charlie would never be truly _his_.

"Yeah," Regulus breathed. He sat on the floor, the view in front of them. He tugged on Charlie's hand and Charlie looked down at him and grinned, before joining him on the floor. Regulus let himself pretend that they were outside, and they were together.

It was peacefully quiet and Regulus felt like they were the only ones for miles. Like nothing and no one could touch them. Not Regulus' mum or dad or anyone. They were allowed to be who they were, and they were allowed to love. For a few minutes, at least.

Charlie seemed to be thinking something along the same lines and reached over, a hand looping around Regulus' waist. Regulus leaned in, resting his head on Charlie's shoulder. Charlie began stroking Regulus' side. He felt warm all over, and turned his head to bury his nose in Charlie' neck, his hair tickling Regulus' forehead.

"I-" Charlie swallowed. Regulus watched his adam's apple bob. Charlie tried again once, before staying quiet. Regulus frowned, picking his head up.

"What? What is it?"

Charlie shook his head, a hand coming to rub his face. "Nothing."

Regulus swallowed too. He had an inkling of what Charlie was going to say, and he desperately wanted to be right and wrong at the same time. Right because _Yes, me too, I love you too_. Wrong because _No, we can't do this anymore._

His eyes started pricking and he, annoyed, turned away, blinking rapidly. Fuck. He really really wanted to tell Charlie. But it would just make it that much harder.

But Charlie was after all, the one with more courage. He'd been the first one to make a move, he'd been the first one to tell Regulus he liked him. They'd done everything according to Regulus. _Charlie_ had done everything according to Regulus. It was always what Regulus wants, what Regulus needs. Never what _Charlie_ wants, or what _Charlie_ needs.

He shook his head, trying not to think about it too much. They were here, together, for now. They should enjoy it. Before- well, before Regulus had to end it. The thought was starting to weigh down on Regulus' heart and he knew he'd break under the weight soon. And so he leaned over and turned Charlie's head, pressing his lips to Charlie's. Charlie made a surprised noise but recovered quickly, looping his hands around Regulus' waist.

They kissed slowly, like they had all the time in the world. They didn't. They were running out of time _right now._ But both of them chose to ignore it.

Charlie's lips were soft against his own and Regulus tilted his head, bringing his hands up to bury it in Charlie' soft curls. He tugged once and Charlie moaned into his mouth. The sound pulled at Regulus' heart and he opened his eyes. Charlie's eyes were closed, but he was frowning, eyebrows furrowed and low. Regulus felt a whirlwind of emotions go through him and he stopped kissing. When Charlie noticed, he opened his eyes, pulling away slightly.

"Reg?"

Regulus nodded, eyes trained on Charlie's. "Yeah."

"Are you okay, love?"

Regulus swallowed. The words were right there. Charlie's done all the work up until now. Even if they had to leave each other in the end, shouldn't Charlie know how much he meant to Regulus? Shouldn't Charlie know how much Regulus would regret leaving him? He should do this. For Charlie.

"Can- can I tell you something?"

Charlie's eyes were intense, so many emotions flowing through them at the same time. It was like he _knew_. Regulus didn't think his heart was beating anymore.

"Y-yes. God, yes."

Regulus swallowed. He reached forward, pressing a kiss to each of Charlie' eyelids, so he'd close his eyes. Regulus couldn't really look at those eyes without bursting into tears. When he pulled away, Charlie's eyes fluttered open and he looked at Regulus expectantly.

"I love you."

The words were whispered. Regulus wasn't even sure Charlie had heard them. But his expression said otherwise. He looked at Regulus like he carried the world in his fingertips.

He leaned into Regulus in a quick motion, urging Regulus back until he was lying on the floor. Charlie straddled his hips and Regulus couldn't _breathe_. They hadn't done anything like _this_ before.

It was so _new._ Regulus had never been in such close contact with anyone before. His heart was beating so hard he thought it would punch out of his chest. Charlie pressed his front all along Regulus' and Regulus opened his mouth, a soft sound escaping. He didn't know what _to do_.

Charlie didn't let him worry because he took everything into his own hands. He guided Regulus, he left Regulus breathless, he made Regulus gasp.

Regulus was a shaking mess by the end of it, eyes wide and heart thrumming. His blood was flowing and he could feel his own pulse. Charlie was laying on top of him, breathing hard against his neck. Regulus was stunned.

"I- I love you, too." Charlie panted, against his neck.

Regulus' whole body shivered and Charlie let out a small laugh, pulling back to look at Regulus. Regulus must've looked as stunned as he felt because Charlie laughed again, kissing his cheek.

The moonlight through the windows fell on the side of Charlie's face. His sweat coated skin was gleaming and he looked God-like, really. Regulus clutched at Charlie tight.

Charlie leaned down, pressing their chests together. He hesitated before uttering the next few words, and they both knew why. "I'm not going anywhere."

Regulus gasped. He pushed Charlie off of him, and Charlie let him, falling to the side, watching Regulus with wide eyes.

"We can't- we _can't_ , Charlie!"

Charlie was on his feet at once, glaring at Regulus like they hadn't just confessed their love a little while ago. "Why not, Regulus? And don't tell me it's because of your family! Sirius and his boyfriend are still together and he's a fucking Black too!"

Regulus didn't have time to wonder how Charlie knew about Remus because he was too busy being stunned that Charlie yelled. Charlie never got angry. At least Regulus had never seen him angry. But he looked down right _livid_ , his green eyes flaming with anger as he glared at Regulus.

"I- I'm not like Sirius. I can't- I can't do that to them." Regulus stuttered, unsure of how to act without angering Charlie further.

" _You can't do that to them?_ You can't love who you want to love? You're saying it like it's a fucking crime, Regulus! And what do you owe them? Nothing. They're fucking good for nothing fuckers. You deserve better than them. Why're you still standing with them and not _me?"_

Regulus felt the anger spark in his chest at once. "They're my _family_ , Charlie. I'm sorry if that's a foreign concept to you." Regulus regretted the words right after it was out of his mouth. Charlie physically flinched. Charlie's parents had died when he was younger. His uncle looked after him now.

Charlie looked incredibly hurt and he spat at Regulus. "Leave then! Since that's all you've wanted to do since they day we got together. _Fucking leave!"_

Regulus' chest was tight and he was mere seconds away from sobbing on the floor, clutching at Charlie. That's why he turned on his heel, yanking the door open and leaving while tears fell steadily down his face.

He hurried to the common room, barely bothering to keep quiet. When he reached his dorm, he collapsed on his bed, casting a silencing charm and yanking the curtains shut. He let out his first sob then. He curled on himself, his body racking under the force of his sobs. He bit his pillow, screaming into it. 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

He _wants_ Charlie. He wants Charlie so bad his body was tingling with the force of it. He could still hear Charlie panting out of his name against his neck. The thought only made him cry harder and by the end of the night, Regulus was passed out on his bed, heart still thrumming unwillingly, reluctantly. Even breathing was easier when Charlie was around.

The sun rose and Regulus slept through it, green eyes and a familiar voice echoing in his dreams.


	6. Chapter 6

Regulus had had a hard year.

It wasn't just him. Things were bad for everyone. Family members were going missing, people were starting panic, there were precautionary measures for everyone, but especially muggle borns.

But none of this had ever affected Regulus of course. He was protected, what with his pureblood status, he was one of the only people who still roamed hogwarts like he owned the place. He was a step ahead of everyone. Nothing and no one could touch him. He reeked of privelage. He was a pureblood and it was showing now more than ever. It was showing in the way everyone treated Regulus, and in the way Regulus treated everyone else.

 _His_ bad year started at a different time than everyone else's. Contrary to Regulus, Sirius was trying to hide that he was a pureblood. It looked like he was shrinking in on himself, settling back with his friends, pretending like he'd never shared a roof with the Blacks. Regulus suspected it had something to do with his friends. Potter was a pureblood too, but he didn't wear his status like a crown. He didn't bother trying to deny it either, unlike Sirius. He pretended like it didn't matter. He pretended like he was _equal_.

 _Ha,_ Regulus thought, _he's not fooling anyone._ Purebloods will always have a upper hand. He didn't see why Sirius was bothering to hide it. If Regulus looked like he was a pureblood, Sirius looked like royalty. He wasn't fooling anyone.

None of this particularly bothered Regulus. He was a pureblood. It didn't touch him or anyone he cared about. _Almost_ anyone he cared about.

Charlie looked like he was getting thinner by the day. His eyes were wide, stressed and he picked fights for no reason, lashing out at everyone. He looked like he got very less sleep. He looked like he was on his guard always. And most of all, he avoided Regulus like the plague.

Not to say Regulus didn't do that as well. It was hard enough to pretend like he didn't care about Charlie. It was another thing entirely to pretend like he wasn't _in love_ with him. But he was a muggle born. While Regulus was enjoying his status, Charlie was drowning in his.

Regulus was the least of Charlie's worries. Regulus didn't understand that. Because Charlie was the _most_ of his worries. Charlie had apparently forgotten that he was supposed to be angry at Regulus too.

Regulus had swallowed his pride one day, and gone to track down Charlie. He didn't know what to expect, maybe a bit of yelling, maybe a bit of love because God knows he never got enough of that. 

Whatever he might've expected, it wasn't this. Charlie looked like he was hardly paying attention to the conversation. His mind looked like it was else where and he nodded distractedly at Regulus, accepting his apology in the blink of an eye.

At first, Regulus was angry. He was so fucking pissed. Charlie had looked at him like they hadn't just confessed their love for each other. Charlie had looked at him like they _barely_ knew each other. Regulus wanted to shake him, wanted to remind him of everything they'd been through. Charlie was pretending like none of it had ever happened.

Then the sadness hit. Was he being naive? Did Charlie decide he was done with him? Was this merely in his head? Had he taken Charlie for granted? Most of all, had he failed Charlie?

Sirius found him like that, crying like it was what he was born to do. Surprisingly, Sirius had helped him put things into perspective. Regulus learned that sometimes, no matter how much you loved a person, it was hard to put your differences aside. Especially with the war staring them right in the face. Regulus was everything Charlie was not, and Charlie was everything Regulus was taught to despise.

And after a lot of coaxing from Sirius' part and a lot of reluctance from Regulus', Regulus learned that he had a habit of flaunting his purebloodedness. And worse, he had a habit of belittling everyone that wasn't.

He gave Charlie space then. He stopped breathing down his neck and stepped back. After all, Charlie would've done the same for him.

That's when the first tragedy hit. Sirius left. His mother blasted him off the tapestry. He was banished from the family. Erased from memory. And while Sirius might consider that a blessing, Regulus was ruined.

His brother was quite literally all he had. Without Sirius- well, he had no one. He didn't have any friends- he'd gone and mucked that up. He didn't have family that cared. All he had was Charlie- but Charlie had other problems.

A little while later, Charlie had come to find Regulus. He'd gained a little more colour in his face, he looked like he was sleeping again. He'd given Regulus a tired smile and they'd talked. Regulus was aching to tell him that Sirius had left now, that he was alone now. But to tell that to Charlie who had no parents, that sounded silly. In the end he didn't tell him, he didn't want to sound like he couldn't handle it.

Just when things were getting better, the second tragedy hit. Charlie's uncle had died. Regulus didn't really know how, he figured it must've been an accident or something. Charlie was distraught. He retreated right back into his shell, falling behind, like he had no energy to keep up with everyone.

Regulus had tried to reach out, but the truth was he felt no real sadness. He hadn't _known_ Charlie's uncle, and therefore he was finding it hard to pretend like he cared. It was the Black in him, probably. Either way, Charlie could tell none of it was genuine. He'd pulled back and Regulus did nothing to stop him. Regulus was making ground breaking revelations about his behaviour, none of them good, all arising from spending too much time in the Black household.

That's when it started getting hard. Everything he'd deemed right and wrong was now becoming a blurred line. Everything he thought he knew about life, was now being shaken and tested. His brain stopped feeling like a safe place. He felt like if he thought too much, it would all come tumbling out of his mouth.

He pushed everyone away. Sirius had come to him numerous times, Regulus had paid no mind. He wanted it _stop_. He couldn't judge for himself anymore. Everything was clouded, like fog filling his brain till there was no right and wrong. He didn't know what was right and wrong.

That's when the next tragedy struck. Walburga apparently had found out about Remus. Regulus was still hazy about the details, simply because he refused to talk to Sirius who could read him like a book. But something had happened. Something bad. Both Remus and Sirius were shaken up, refusing to talk to anyone but their friends.

That's when, after a long time, Regulus saw something with clarity. He had to end things with Charlie.

Charlie had been expecting him. He'd greeted him with a tired smile, had let him talk without any interruptions. When Regulus explained that he couldn't do this, that he had to let Charlie go, Charlie didn't put up a fight. He didn't try to stop Regulus, he didn't say anything at all.

When Regulus was done talking, Charlie looked at him for a long moment. Then, he stood up to his full height and gave Regulus his signature smile- a real one. He stepped forward, and kissed him. Deep and long. It had said everything Charlie had not.

When he pulled away, Regulus almost wanted to take everything back. But he didn't. He hugged Charlie tight, told him he still loved him, then left. It was for the better. He knew.

Just before he'd left, Charlie had slipped something into Regulus' pocket while they kissed. He only noticed it when he went back to his dorm. He'd fished it out of his pocket and felt his heart crack. It was a watch, the one Charlie had told Regulus his parents had given him when he was younger, back when they were getting to know each other. Back when Regulus could still convince himself he liked Charlie as a friend and that was it.

He smiled, bringing the face of the watch to his lips and kissing it lightly. It made everything that much more bearable. Typical Charlie. Always making sure Regulus wouldn't suffer.

That was the last peaceful night Regulus would ever have. But for Charlie, that was the night he despised, years later. Because he'd let Regulus walk away. He'd thought he was doing the right thing. Maybe if he'd held on, Regulus wouldn't have drifted off to the dark side. But he hadn't. And now Regulus was in the wrong side, fighting _against_ him. 


	7. Chapter 7

Regulus didn't exactly mean for it to happen. But now that it _had_ , he wasn't complaining either. 

He'd broken. It had been exactly 2 years since he'd touched Charlie, since he'd held him, or came in any type of physical contact with him, really.

At first, this was easy. It had been a really bad time, and it was easy to ignore the the itch of his skin, the yearning of another body close by. Not just any body. Charlie's. But Regulus had been so adamant on ending it then, that he was willing to overlook anything. This included. But it was getting harder. The day they'd come in contact the _most_ , lingered in his brain till he could practically hear Charlie panting into his neck, till he could practically feel Charlie's fingers fumbling with his clothes desperately.

As days passed, as Regulus got better, the yearning just got worse. At first he'd tried to distract himself. It wasn't exactly a hard feat, since he was a pureblood and well known in Slytherin, girls were practically throwing themselves at him. But that was the problem. _Girls_. But he'd given it a shot anyway. Just to distract himself. Maybe his body would forget Charlie's touch, if it felt a touch of another. No such luck. In fact, he felt worse when he was walking with one of the girls in hogsmeade one day and he caught Charlie's eye. Charlie's eyes zeroed on their intertwined hands, and then back at Regulus' face. Regulus had held his gaze for a few moments, hardly daring to breathe before looking away. What else should he have done? There was nothing to say, nothing to explain. Still it didn't stop Regulus from seeing the hurt pool in Charlie's eyes before he looked away quickly as well.

He'd survived _two_ years without it. His urge to keep Charlie safe was apparently much stronger than the urge to _feel_ Charlie.

That is, until now. 

They hadn't lost _all_ touch. Regulus wrote to him, sometimes. But Charlie's responses were all short, clipped since Regulus had become a death eater. It was no secret, really and Regulus didn't blame him. Sirius had hardly even ever looked at Regulus when he found out.

It had been a mistake. All of it. But by the time he'd realized it, it was too late to back out. He was in it for good. The state he was in for the past two years was nothing short of torture. He didn't _want_ to be there, but he couldn't exactly _not_.

But last night, he'd seen it. He'd seen how Voldemort was immortal. He had discovered the locket and he was in the process of making a fake one, to replace it. He'd need to figure out how to destroy the real one. If he couldn't, he'd leave that to Kreacher. 

It was a suicide mission, probably. Regulus knew that if he went, he probably wouldn't come back. But he wasn't scared. In fact, he felt the most alive he'd had in years. He was doing something that would help Charlie. Help Sirius. That would help everyone on the _right_ side. This would be the only thing he could do, to undo his mistake of becoming a death eater.

If he made it out alive, all the more better. If he didn't, well, he didn't have much to live for anyway.

But after coming to this revelalation, and knowing that he was probably going to die soon, he had to, he just fucking _had_ to see Charlie. So that's how he ended up knocking on Charlie's door in the small hours of the morning.

Charlie's eyebrows had shot up, and his eyes were wide. _Oh those beautiful eyes. The ones Regulus hadn't been allowed to look into in such a long time._

He'd started to say something, but Regulus didn't let him finish. Regulus had pushed him back into his house, and had crushed their mouths together in a desperately desperate kiss. Charlie hadn't kissed him back right away. That's when Regulus pulled away, uncertain. After all he was a death eater. If Charlie decided he was done with him, he had given him more than enough reason.

But then Charlie looked at Regulus for a long moment and it was like he couldn't help himself. He curled a hand behind Regulus' neck and pulled him down, pressing their lips together. It had been blissful. Regulus completely surrendered himself to Charlie, had let him lead the way. If he wanted to stop, Regulus would not argue.

But he hadn't. They'd stumbled into Charlie's bedroom and _God, it had felt so good_. The heat of Charlie's skin again and hearing Charlie pant his name. _Everything was finally right again_. In the haze of their lust, there wasn't any room for shame or regret. All he could focus on was Charlie's body pressed to his. It had been desperate, and not slow in any way. Both of them were two years older now, wiser. All the tenderness of last time had dissapated into the air. It was pure need.

But now, watching Charlie roll off of him, breathing hard and skin shining in the moonlight, Regulus allowed some type of fear grasp him. He was sure to be kicked out now. But God he wasn't ready to leave yet.

They laid in silence for a long time. Regulus waited for Charlie to make the first move.

"You're wearing my watch."

That startled a breathless laugh from Regulus. He looked at his wrist, and sure enough, Charlie's watch was strapped to it.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Not seeing anyone then?"

Regulus snorted. "No. Not a soul. You?"

"Wouldn't be here with you if I was."

It felt good, almost too good to be true that he was here with Charlie again. And he hadn't even recieved a punch to his face yet. He wasn't sure he could completely rule out that possibility now, but he was grateful all the same.

He acted on a whim. He turned and gathered Charlie close, heart beating hard. Charlie complied easily, burying his face in Regulus' chest and wrapping his arms around him. 

"Why are you letting me?" Regulus felt stupid for asking almost at once. Why would he remind Charlie that he was a death eater?

But Charlie just snorted against Regulus' chest. "Because I love you. Always have. Suspect always will."

Regulus had to close his eyes at that. He didn't sound particularly happy while saying those words and Regulus realized he'd probably had his battles about loving a death eater.

It was quiet for a while, both of them revelling in their nerve. And sheer disbelief.

"God. I've just shagged a death eater."

Despite the situation, and the plain truth of the words, Regulus snorted with laughter, pulling Charlie closer. God, he'd missed that dry humour more than anything.

"You have. How do you feel about it?"

"All things considering, not too bad. Probably shouldn't have done it. Not going to kill me now, are you?"

It was supposed to be a joke, but there was an underlying meaning to it. Regulus shivered a bit.

"No. No. Never." He said, breathless.

Charlie reappeared from Regulus' arms, to stare up at him.

"Then why?" He whispered, gazing fiercely into Regulus' eyes.

"It- it was a mistake. A fucking stupid mistake. But by the time I realized it, it was too late to back out." Regulus said with a sigh, aware that Charlie was watching him intently. He wondered vaguely what would happen to Charlie after he died. He wondered what Charlie would make of these words, then. He considered telling Charlie right then and there, about the hocrux, but he decided against it. He was not going to be the one to put Charlie in any more danger than he already is. It was a miracle he was alive. He probably wouldn't have been, had it not been for Regulus' gentle persuading. Its not like he had a choice in who they killed. But sometimes it paid to be a death eater. To keep everyone safe.

"It's never too late to stop, Regulus. We could use more people on our side." Charlie said, softly.

Regulus closed his eyes. "I- I can't. You'll understand, soon enough."

Charlie sat up then, eyebrows furrowed and pulled low. "What do you mean I'll understand soon enough? Is there something big coming? An attack?"

Regulus just shook his head. He didn't want to frighten Charlie further. But looking at Charlie now, he was anything but frightened.

He glared at Regulus. "You can't just say that. What's coming? Reg you have to tell me. Its the least you can do."

Regulus almost smiled. No. It was better this way. After the locket was destroyed, he'd have paved the way for anyone to kill Voldemort. He wasn't sure he'd be there to see it happen though. Minor flaw in his plan. But after tonight, he was ready for it. He was ready for anything after tonight.

He reached up, kissing Charlie slowly. It was unrushed and beautiful. Charlie tried to get more answers out of Regulus, but gave up on that eventually, in favour of kissing Regulus' neck.

They stayed like that for a while. Loving and being loved. It was really all Regulus had ever wanted and all Walburga was incapable of providing. Love. It was what this war was about even.

He thought of Sirius. He hoped Sirius could find it in himself to forgive Regulus. Hopefully once the locket was destroyed he'd know. Regulus smiled at the thought. If anyone could bring Voldemort down, it was Sirius. He liked that. One Black paving the way for the kill, and the other Black finishing it off neatly.

He kissed Charlie one last time and Charlie smiled lazily at him. They were tangled in the sheets and Regulus was having a hard time letting go.

"Can we- can we be together again?" Charlie, asked, shyly, but already half asleep.

Regulus kissed the corner of his mouth, smiling a bit. "Of course. We'll always be together."

After Charlie had fallen asleep, Regulus slowly untangled himself from Charlie. He kissed Charlie's cheek softly, before taking one last look at his beautiful boy, capable of moving mountains.

He unfastened the watch, kissing the face of it, before leaving it on Charlie's table.

He left the house, wanting to preserve the memory of Charlie lying in bed, all red lips and rosy cheeks. 

It was time. He had nothing else to live for. It was perfect. He was going to do this.

He set out for a mission, one Charlie could not accompany him on. He silently apologised to both Charlie and Sirius, and he hoped with everything in him that they'd make it, if he didn't. He apparated back to Grimmauld place, feeling numb with the knowledge of what he was about to do. He grabbed Kreacher and took a deep breath, before apparating again.

This was the end, then. Regulus didn't regret a thing.

As he was pulled under the water, all he could see was beautiful green eyes swimming in his vision.


	8. Chapter 8

Charlie had a day. A whole day to live in blissful ignorance.

He had a whole day to make up excuses for Regulus' absence. He had a whole day to try and believe them without feeling stupid, without feeling like he was just trying to fill a gaping hole in his heart where Regulus had snuggly sat.

But maybe he had known. Maybe he had known the moment his eyes fluttered open and the first thing he saw was an empty bed, all rumpled sheets. First thing he smelt was Regulus from the night before, all warm and dangerous. If he hadn't known then, then he certainly must've known when his sleepy eyes found his watch sitting on his table. His heart had skipped a beat. That told him he'd known. He simply chose not to believe it.

He had spent the entire day trying to distract himself. He had no way of knowing that was the last good day he'd have. He had no way of knowing that for the next couple of years his heart was going to bleed and scream at him for not being able to save Regulus.

When it all became a bit too much, he'd gone over to none other than, the other Black's house. Sirius had raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he let Charlie in. Remus had smiled at him in greeting, the last smile he'd get for a while that wasn't tainted with sympathy. He'd sat with them, helped them plan stuff for the Order, all while ignoring how painfully similar the Black brothers looked. The way Sirius talked, the way Sirius held himself, it was all Regulus. But maybe Sirius was a bit more sure of himself, more confident. Regulus wasn't like that entirely. Regulus had a soft side, a sweet smile that Charlie liked to think only he had the privelage to witness. Maybe Sirius did too, when they were younger. But things changed between them and Sirius hadn't talked to Regulus since he'd had the dark mark.

When it all became a bit too much he'd accidentally let slip that Regulus had come over the night before. Sirius' eyes had immediately turned cold, his lips set in a straight line. Remus had reached to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Charlie said nothing more.

He left afterwards. Sirius had pulled him aside and told him to be careful. Charlie had nodded, not really caring. By this time, he guessed some part of him already knew. He remembered by the time he went to bed, he was already thinking about Regulus in the past tense.

~

Tears didn't come for a while. Charlie stared at the paper blankly, blinking at the headline. It didn't say what happened, or how. But one thing was for certain.

Regulus Black was dead. 

It wasn't like he was _surprised_ , but he was more than a little shocked all the same. His skin was still alight from Regulus' touch from two nights ago. His bedsheets still smelt like him. And if he concentrated hard enough, he could convince himself that his bleak, grey curtains were the exact colour of Regulus' eyes. Regulus' eyes were more alive though.

 _Not anymore_ , Charlie thought bitterly. _Regulus Black and alive can't be used in the same sentence anymore._

He guessed Regulus had known. He remembered the sad tone in Regulus' eyes. But Regulus was _happy_. Maybe he was happy to leave it all behind. Maybe he was happy to leave Charlie behind. Maybe Charlie was his distraction till the time came. Maybe _Charlie_ had been the stupid one, blinded by love and so so happy to have Regulus near again.

Charlie stupidly thinks that maybe he shouldn't have let Regulus go at all. He should've hugged him so tight, cast all binding spells known to wizard kind, and made sure Regulus was happy and alive in his home. He would've done anything to see that happen.

The thing was, Charlie hadn't ever expected it to end, as silly as it sounds. He'd always considered what he had with Regulus sacred, untouchable. Look how they were: A pureblood and a muggle born. A death eater and a member of the Order of the Phoenix. They've always been vastly different. Maybe that's what Charlie had liked so much. In the end, they always come through. Always snapped back together like a stretched elastic band. 

The tears probably didn't come because he had a whole day to consider the possibility that Regulus wasn't here anymore. To prepare for it. The same could not be said for Sirius Black.

Charlie jumped as a _crack_ sound filled his house. There was loud banging on the door, followed by yelling. Charlie could faintly make out Remus' calming voice.

He stood up on shaky legs, and pulled the door open softly. There Sirius was, in all his glory, glaring at Charlie so fiercely that anyone else would've dropped dead from that look alone. Not Charlie though. He was too busy trying to forget the way _Regulus' eyes looked exactly like that too._

Sirius, the ever composed Sirius, stood there like a mad man, his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot. He looked like what Charlie imagined a man who spent a few days in azkaban would look like.

Remus' careful eyes darted between them. Charlie swallowed as Sirius opened his mouth, jabbing a finger to Charlie's chest.

_"Did you know? Did you fucking know? What're you playing at, you fucker? Coming to **my** house and talking about **my** brother when he was off dead somewhere? You bastard! You fucking bastard!"_

Remus immediately pushed Charlie back in to the house and stood in front of him, blocking him from Sirius' view. He said something lowly to Sirius, who huffed disbelievingly, but his hands were shaking, and Charlie could see tears start to swim in his eyes. _God, Regulus looked like that when he was about to cry too._

It was plainly clear that Remus was the only one who could calm Sirius down. Charlie wondered faintly if he had ever been that to Regulus.

Remus turned back to Charlie, eyes kind and sympathetic, "Are you okay?"

Charlie's head jerked in a nod and he collapsed back on the chair. It was quiet for a few tense moments but he finally broke the silence, speaking hoarsely, the beginnings of tears clogging his voice. "And to answer your question, no. I didn't know. I think- I think I had a feeling. I think he- he came to me- because-" Turns out thats all he could choke out. Sirius didn't seem to expect more from him. He sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes. Remus rubbed his back. Charlie shut his eyes tight.

When he opened them, Remus was staring right at him, eyes concerned. He opened his mouth but Charlie beat him to it, a thought just occurring to him.

"I told him I loved him." 

Sirius' head snapped up but Charlie kept his eyes on Remus'.

"He didn't say it back."

And then he was crying. He sobbed and sobbed, burying his face in his hands. Remus shuffled closer to him, rubbing his back instead, and Charlie could feel Sirius' eyes on him. He couldn't bring himself to care much.

"I can't believe i was so stupid," He whimpered, pathetically, "I thought maybe I could help him come to this side. I could get him out of there. But-"

Remus shushed him softly, "It wasn't your fault, Charlie. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Charlie didn't say anything. Sirius sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. "Regulus, you fucking idiot." He said, lowly. 

Charlie snorted for some reason. _Yeah_ , he wanted to say, _but he was **my** fucking idiot. _

He looked into Remus' cool eyes and let the words fall out. "I still love him. He was a death eater and I still love him." He laughed humourlessly. Sirius had a death grip on Charlie's furniture at this point.

Remus' eyes turned unbelievably soft. He bit his lip and glanced at Sirius before speaking again. "Regulus wasn't born a death eater, Charlie." He spoke gently, lowly. It comforted Charlie for some reason. "He was a good person. He made some bad choices. It- you can't control who you love. It isn't a crime to love him," At this point Charlie thought Remus was talking more to Sirius than him. He allowed it. "It's okay to love him. And- and I'm sure he loved you, too." Charlie assumed that was for Sirius, before it was pretty clear to him Regulus didn't love him.

Sirius didn't say anything the whole time. He'd taken a seat on Charlie's chair and stared blankly out the window. Charlie wondered if he was trying to avoid looking at the paper and carefully reached forward, pulling it out of view.

Sirius' eyes met his, and he sighed before speaking. "I- I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight."

Charlie shook his head, biting his lip. "It's okay. I deserve it."

Sirius frowned but didn't say anything further. Remus kindly put a hand on Charlie's shoulder, "Do you want to stay with us for a bit?"

Charlie weakly smiled at him but shook his head. He had things that needed sorting in his brain. He had to interpret things Regulus had told him, trying to see it in a different light now that he knew how the story ended.

Remus got up and walked towards the door. Sirius got up as well before turning back. He shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step forward.

"I- don't know if this counts for anything. I don't even know if it'll make things worse. But he- he loved you, too. Just thought you should know. No matter what he might've done, he did love you."

With that Sirius left, closing the door behind him.

Charlie leaned over, grabbing his watch Regulus had left.

He swiped his finger over the face of it a few times, before bringing it to his lips. He kissed it and looked at it, pressing his lips in a tight line.

"Regulus, you bastard."


End file.
